He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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