I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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