Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
