It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
