Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
