for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
