super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
