The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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