Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize