You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
