Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
