i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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