chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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