I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im holly from the hills drunk
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
