Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
