i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
