So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
