in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
