woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
