Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
