remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was not drunk enough for that final.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
