Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
