DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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