textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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