jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
