I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
