He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
