I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
