i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
