thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
