I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
