you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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