I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
