haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
