Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
