how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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