You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
