only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
