the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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