I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
