all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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