He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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