32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
