Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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