dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
