It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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