I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
