I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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