i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
