He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
