Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I intend to get homeless drunk
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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