I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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