I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
