I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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