Don't you send me to vm
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sorry about my life...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
