i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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