I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
