there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
