SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
