i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
