soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
