i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
