This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
