Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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