I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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