i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
