The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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