I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
