I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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